You asked your burning questions in the faintest of night-whispers, and we’ve summoned the answers from the depths of the beyond. Here’s all the #creepy fun factoids on your favorite #horror, straight to your brain-box from the finest seers, oracles, sooth-sayers, and totally tuned-in ghost-vibes.
1) It Is More Afraid Of You Than You Are Of It
Probably. Probably is.
2) Its Name Is Reginald Bernstein Berenstain Berenstyne IV.
It is not a Babadook, in the strictest terms, but it is a friendly cousin. It does not speak of the Berenstyne universe. This is not for mortals to know.
4) It Comes From Another Dimension.
With voyeuristic intentions. Well secluded, it sees all.
5) It Loves You.
Regardless of your appearance, age, gender identity, social standing, religion, scaled appendages, third-eye membranes, or lack thereof.
5) It Believes You Are A Good Human.
And that you deserve a good life free of scorn or censure. It will perform unspeakable acts of mayhem to ensure you remain blessed and prosperous. Reginald believes in you, whether or not you believe in it.
6) Reginald Is Gay, And Has Reached A Healthy Level Of Self-Security.
It’s here. It’s an unknowable being from the dark-aether. Get used to it.
7) It Will Devour Your Enemies Utterly.
Usually by unhinging its jaw in a really weird way. Seriously, Reg, that’s messed up.
8) It Will Be Your Best Friend.
As long as you bring it offerings of witch-harvested honey collected in silver thimbles, and iambic-pentameter verses read aloud before a hellish inferno on #Halloweennight (or that Yule Log channel thing if you don’t have a hellish inferno).
9) It Enjoys Smooth Freeform Jazz.
But the chill-out lo-fi hip-hop kind, heavy on the bass, not the pretentious kind your dad likes.
10) It Is No longer In Your Closet.
But you are never alone.
Is this a comfort or a warning? You decide. (In the comments, if you’re so-inclined.)